Working

My job is perfect.  Seriously, apparently grading ninth grade English is my current calling (along with raising the babies, haha).

I was telling Andy a few days ago how weird it is how things work out.  A year ago I lost my tech job.  It was a really tough time for us since it really hurt us in the financial department, and I was 7 months pregnant with Judah!  But my homeschooling job came through pretty quickly when I think about it, just about two months later.

Anyway, I love working from home.  I am so happy I get to make a little extra money for our family, while also keeping my resume current, and my brain in good shape (ninth grade shape at the minimum, right?).

Two little clothie butts

I am very proud to say that I am successfully cloth diapering two babies.  I really wish that the bigger baby would potty train, but in the meantime I have the whole two in diapers thing going on. Flip diapers are great because they really are adjustable.  Judah didn't fit into them until he was a month old (his little skinny baby legs were too small) but now they fit him great.  I absolutely love that I don't need different sets of diapers for the kids.

Summer

I am so happy it's getting warm.  We have been living in the backyard, making me incredibly grateful that we actually have a backyard.  Luthie and I hang in the baby pool, I get my tan on, and Judah does this: 

Update

My poor little blog.  As if I wasn't a bad enough blogger, now I've gone and left it for months.  Well, I'm hopefully back now.  Now for a quick catch-up:

January: Judah was born a full six days early on January 4th!  He decided to surprise us by coming on the most inconvenient day of that time period right after Andy's Christmas vacation, but before my sister arrived to help out.  His birth was rather chaotic mostly due to the nutsy hospital staff.  The labor itself was pretty smooth, but I was darn lucky this was our second kid and I knew what I was doing.  The dramatic part of the story is that Andy almost caught him.

The rest of January we spent adjusting to a new little one.  Lu went through a crazy sleep strike that was super fun.

February: We continue learning how to take car of two.  I pick back up working 15 hours a week grading papers. Andy's family came to visit to see Judah Baptized.

March: Work, work, work, and studying on Andy's part.  I also turned 25. I started running again thanks to the sweet new running shoes Andy got me for my birthday.

April: Andy really starts to kick it into high gear preparing for finals, and writing his thesis.  He spends many nights studying late, I spend many nights on duty with the kidlets so he can work.

Now, gloriously, Andy has his final final on Thursday!  It has been a long three years of school for him, but he will finally have his masters!  I am so proud.

I think we have also adjusted well to having another kid.  It's busy and tough, but awesome to see the little sibling relationship bloom.  I am able to enjoy Judah so much more than I was able to Luthie at this age because I am just so much less nervous! I worried about everything with her.  With Judah figuring out what to do has been easy.  I'll get more pictures up soon :)

Judah

Well we have a baby--Judah Andrew Horner! He was born January 4 a little after 1pm. I went into labor around 9:30am, and fortunately Andy had not left for work yet. My sister wasn't arriving until the evening so we scrambled around, got Luthien to her beloved babysitter, then took off for the hospital. He came fast, and we stuck it to the man by not listening to most of the instructions from the hospital personnel. Andy was a great support and advocate for me. I am so glad he can support me like that.

Thinks have been hectic but I think we are adjusting well here. The boy himself is super chill. It feels so easy taking care of a newborn this time around. He nurses well, and rarely cries. He's a tiny little guy, only weighed 6 pounds 5 ounces at birth. Today was Andy's first day back at work since the baby was born, but my sister has been helping out a ton. We have been enjoying her cooking thoroughly :)

Luthien has had some rough times. She is extra clingy, and has been having some trouble getting into a regular sleeping pattern. But she loves Judah, and tries to hold him and kiss him as often as possible. I'm sure it's quite an emotional adjustment for her.

It's so amazing to see our expanded little family. It is crazy and hectic, but there is so much joy and laughter too.

2012

Hi all. I know it's been a long absence. I got out of my blog habit then it's just that much harder to start again, like when you put off calling someone, and the longer you wait the harder it is to do, even though ultimately you want to.

Here's to 2012! I think this is going to be a very good year.

We are starting it off expecting our little baby boy in a very short time. I'm due the 10th, but Lu was a 8 days early so I'm feeling paranoid about being early. I can't believe this baby is so close to being born, and I really cannot wait to meet him. It's amazing how I have been carrying this little person around for nine months but really don't know him yet. I can't wait to see what he looks like and what his personality is like. There is so much less anxiety this time around due to lots of different things, mostly I am just not scared. There was so much to learn with Lu, and although we made it through it was tough. I'm sure this baby will present new challenges, but I know how to change a diaper, and give a newborn a bath, and burp one effectively. And I cannot wait for newborn snuggles.

I got another job! I'm working for a homeschool organization as a grader ("Instructional Assistant"). It's based almost completely from home, and I think it will be a very good thing for us in the finances department.

One last thing for the new year, I want to start running again. I was doing really well this year until I got pregnant then it just lost its appeal and I lost my drive. I'm planning on getting some new running shoes and signing up for a race in the summer, 6-10 miles long. I will have hot calves again!

Losing yourself

I don't really believe in losing yourself to motherhood. At least not anymore than you lose yourself to anything in life.

Let me clarify. As a fairly new mama there have been times when I've felt like I've 'lost myself.' But that usually happens when I start to think I'm meant for something super awesome. It's a classic grass is greener on the other side type thing. Granted this happens in my darker moments when motherhood feels decidedly not awesome. But I think this is a mistaken way of thinking. I am not the activities I enjoy, I am not knitting, running, reading, ultimate frisbee, or stout beer. These things are good and enriching but they don't make me who I am. It is still important I do them for my own good, but if I never knitted again I wouldn't be less of myself.

My point is I am most myself when I bring myself, all my gifts and weirdnesses and also faults into what I am doing...into my duties, my conversations, my work, my play, everything. I may have to spend my entire day typing on the computer and feeding Luthien, and doing laundry, but if I do these as myself bringing myself into them for love of my family and of myself, I do not lose myself in them. For instance, yesterday evening Luthien was kind of a nutcase. She was crazy and I was feeling like losing it. So I just started hanging with her and pretty soon we were spinning in circles in the living room and laughing, getting dizzy and falling down. I was still in full blowing mom mode, but I felt completely myself too. I will spin around in circles with my kid even if I look like an idiot and this is a good thing about me.

So in all that is crazy about parenthood, I contend it is possible to bring your selfhood into it, and let it thrive there. If that means you sing a song about pooping to keep your kid entertained while changing their diaper that totally works. Making time for ourselves individually is important, but so is realizing that you don't cease to exist, to have personality when you are doing your regular parenting work.