Thursday, August 12, 2010

Personality and moming

Since we discovered Lu was coming into our lives I've had several people tell me not to "lose myself" once she was born. I've thought a lot about what that means and why people assume you are in danger of losing yourself once you have kids. Also I don't believe anyone ever said this to Andy (Andy, correct me if I'm wrong!) so apparently this losing of yourself only applies to women? I’m guessing that’s because usually (or at least traditionally) women have been the primary child care people. But still, originally Andy was going to stay home with Luthien, and I still don’t think anyone warned him not to lose himself.

Anyway, let me get back to the point. What is this losing yourself thing people talk about? I mean, I think I get it, I’ve seen people who have lost themselves in their kids--who talk only about their kids, and who only do kid activities. Although I’ve also seen people lose themselves in work, school, a relationship, sports, and many other things. Maybe it is more pronounced with kids because kids are so all encompassing, so all or nothing. And you can’t quit kids like you can quit football (at least no in good conscience). And after having a baby for a few months now I can certainly understand that feeling when all you’ve done all day is keep the kid at bay and you feel like a mindless zombie. But most days I still feel like myself. I still have hopes and dreams, I still laugh, I still am scheming a career up. I still joke with my husband, knit, write, make dorky attempts at humor. I realize that it is important for parents, especially new moms, to guard against, and some days I will lose myself. But I still have personality and I’m gonna work hard to keep it, because dang it I like being who I am, and I even like the changes motherhood has brought to my personality.


  1. Thanks for stopping by and saying hello earlier! I totally know what you're talking about--I often have to remind myself that there are other things to talk about other than spit-up and diaper changes. Your daughter is adorable, by the way!

  2. Thanks! I've also found that as Lu has gotten older it has been easier for me to remember myself. I'm not sure if this trend continues but we shall see.