Speaking of changes in personality and stuff breastfeeding has been an interesting experience. I’m not going to go into too much detail but I want to shed some light on the subject of perceptions vs. reality of breastfeeding.
First from what I hear, my breastfeeding experience has been pretty easy. I haven’t had any infections or milk production problems. Overall we have had a good breastfeeding experience so far. It was hard to get used to, and was pretty exhausting at first, both emotionally and physically, but we have fallen into a good rhythm and Lu is just not as needy as when she was first born.
I grew up learning that breastfeeding, total breastfeeding was the only way to go. So it didn’t take much convincing to breastfeed. However, it is one of those things that nothing can really prepare you for, and is just one aspect of the all encompassingness of those early baby days.
There are many variations/intensities of breastfeeding. Some women partially breastfeed, supplementing with formula. Some women breastfeed exclusively for a while, then add in solids. Some mamas pump to stash some milk, or who want to breastfeed despite working (pumping really sucks by the way). along the way I came upon something called ecological breastfeeding which is a more extreme form of exclusive breastfeeding. Ecological breastfeeding does not allow any supplements, bottles or passifiers for the first six months. After six months there are still no bottles, or pacifiers but most start introducing solids.
Now I am all for breastfeeding, I think it is a great way to feed your baby and I have enjoyed it. but like our sleeping habits we’ve taken something of a combination path when it comes to breastfeeding. We knew that we would be taking a trip for our honeymoon when Lu was four months old. So when she was three weeks old I started pumping once a day and Andy started giving Lu a few bottles a week. At first, I felt weird about giving her a bottle even with breastmilk in it, but then Andy took me on a date for my 23rd birthday when she was six weeks old, and it was the best date of my life. After that I was a complete convert. If she wasn’t ever using a bottle there would be no dates until she was on mostly solid food, and who wants to go months and months without a date?
Before Lu was born I assumed that giving her bottles was somehow a bad choice. Breastfeeding is great and I am so grateful that it has worked out so well for us, since I know it doesn’t for some people, but if the baby never learns how to use a bottle then the mom cannot be away from baby for long until the baby is weaned. If I had done this it would make me really want to wean. I love spending time with Lu, but any parent needs a break sometimes especially from the demands of a baby. I highly recommend teaching baby how to use a bottle even if you never plan on using it.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Personality and moming
Since we discovered Lu was coming into our lives I've had several people tell me not to "lose myself" once she was born. I've thought a lot about what that means and why people assume you are in danger of losing yourself once you have kids. Also I don't believe anyone ever said this to Andy (Andy, correct me if I'm wrong!) so apparently this losing of yourself only applies to women? I’m guessing that’s because usually (or at least traditionally) women have been the primary child care people. But still, originally Andy was going to stay home with Luthien, and I still don’t think anyone warned him not to lose himself.
Anyway, let me get back to the point. What is this losing yourself thing people talk about? I mean, I think I get it, I’ve seen people who have lost themselves in their kids--who talk only about their kids, and who only do kid activities. Although I’ve also seen people lose themselves in work, school, a relationship, sports, and many other things. Maybe it is more pronounced with kids because kids are so all encompassing, so all or nothing. And you can’t quit kids like you can quit football (at least no in good conscience). And after having a baby for a few months now I can certainly understand that feeling when all you’ve done all day is keep the kid at bay and you feel like a mindless zombie. But most days I still feel like myself. I still have hopes and dreams, I still laugh, I still am scheming a career up. I still joke with my husband, knit, write, make dorky attempts at humor. I realize that it is important for parents, especially new moms, to guard against, and some days I will lose myself. But I still have personality and I’m gonna work hard to keep it, because dang it I like being who I am, and I even like the changes motherhood has brought to my personality.
Anyway, let me get back to the point. What is this losing yourself thing people talk about? I mean, I think I get it, I’ve seen people who have lost themselves in their kids--who talk only about their kids, and who only do kid activities. Although I’ve also seen people lose themselves in work, school, a relationship, sports, and many other things. Maybe it is more pronounced with kids because kids are so all encompassing, so all or nothing. And you can’t quit kids like you can quit football (at least no in good conscience). And after having a baby for a few months now I can certainly understand that feeling when all you’ve done all day is keep the kid at bay and you feel like a mindless zombie. But most days I still feel like myself. I still have hopes and dreams, I still laugh, I still am scheming a career up. I still joke with my husband, knit, write, make dorky attempts at humor. I realize that it is important for parents, especially new moms, to guard against, and some days I will lose myself. But I still have personality and I’m gonna work hard to keep it, because dang it I like being who I am, and I even like the changes motherhood has brought to my personality.
Monday, August 9, 2010
The Grass is Greenest Here
Today is my husband's birthday. Yesterday he told me that he doesn't feel like the grass is greener on the other side of life anymore, that the grass is the greenest right where we are. I’ve never felt like that before, and it is awesome to know that we are in the right place in life. We have our frustrations, Andy’s commute sucks, and I want to find a job, but we are so happy and content with each other. This is the best time in my life, and it is thanks to Andy, my all star husband. So this is to Andy, he is the hardest working, most loving man I know, and I am so incredibly blessed to call him my husband. Happy 24th Birthday my love!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
TV, The Fish Tank, and Netflix
Lu and I with the tank in the background.
When Andy and I moved into our house we decided we wanted to cut down on our TV watching. We had both been noticing that most of our evenings ended up with us watching a few TV shows, and although I think it was a good way to chill out particularly when Lu was small and we were always exhausted, we both felt like we wanted to watch less. We want Lu to grow up playing in the dirt, climbing trees, making up stories, and doing as many creative things as she likes and TV does not encourage this. We also wanted to try and spend more time on our own hobbies, play games together, talk, read, and do lots of other non-TV stuff. Consequently, we started our salt water fish tank and put it right in the middle of the living room where most people put a TV. Andy gave up his 47 inch TV for the tank, and we put the one we have in the basement with some comfy couches. The tank has been awesome and we spend a lot of time learning about sea dwellers and working on the tank. Luthien loves it too.
We got the basic cable package and sometimes we watch the news. We also started using netflix and it has been awesome! We love seeing movies that we've been wanting to see but haven't had a chance too. I think our family spends more and better time together thanks to a lesser focus on the TV. Andy has been teaching me cribbage, we are both learning about fish, we are reading more. A good change.
Cloth diapering day I lost count: Our little clothy butt
We are officially cloth diaperers, although we certainly aren't as hard core as some. We now own 25 lovely, colorful pocket diapers and we are finally starting to use them at night (scary!). Andy is also totally on board and used them while I was in Minnesota this weekend.
I feel a great deal of satisfaction by using cloth, (and Luthien's diaper rash issues seem to be a bit better too) I feel like I am being thrifty and resourceful. We use disposables when we are out sometimes, and I'm sure we will use them traveling. We've had some leak issues (apparently Luthien qualifies as a "heavy wetter") but we've been doubling up on liners and it's been much better.
Not bad for two people determined never to use cloth!
My family is so cute.
I feel a great deal of satisfaction by using cloth, (and Luthien's diaper rash issues seem to be a bit better too) I feel like I am being thrifty and resourceful. We use disposables when we are out sometimes, and I'm sure we will use them traveling. We've had some leak issues (apparently Luthien qualifies as a "heavy wetter") but we've been doubling up on liners and it's been much better.
Not bad for two people determined never to use cloth!
My family is so cute.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Cloth Diapering: Day 1
When I was pregnant I made Andy promise we would never use cloth diapers. I had always thought they were, well, icky. But now after using several hundred disposable diapers, and a good chunk of cash on them, we are trying out cloth.
I think seeing the sheer amount of diapers we were throwing away is what swayed me to give it a shot. I've always hated wasting things, and the idea of using the same set of diapers over and over appeals to me. I've also become much more environmentally conscious since Lu was born, because I want her to learn to be responsible and not wasteful.
So far the hardest thing about starting has been the sheer number of diaper systems out there! Prefolds, flats, All in ones, pockets...just a few of the many terms in the cloth diapering world, and let's not even get into the acronyms. I bought our first set of diapers a few weeks ago on ebay. Seriously you can buy anything on ebay. After some research, I knew I wanted some type of all in one diaper to ease the transition of disposable to cloth, and found some cheap ones on ebay. I was a little concerned that they made be poor quality, but after reading some good reviews, and eyeballing other all in ones priced at $25 per diaper (!) I picked Sunbaby diapers. They seem to be working great so far. We haven't had any leaks and Lu seems comfy. I'll let you know how the first washing goes, and the first overnight cloth diaper. If these work, we'll buy more (we started out just buying 10 to try it out) and save a bundle of cash, and save the world!
Luthien seems to like them!
I think seeing the sheer amount of diapers we were throwing away is what swayed me to give it a shot. I've always hated wasting things, and the idea of using the same set of diapers over and over appeals to me. I've also become much more environmentally conscious since Lu was born, because I want her to learn to be responsible and not wasteful.
So far the hardest thing about starting has been the sheer number of diaper systems out there! Prefolds, flats, All in ones, pockets...just a few of the many terms in the cloth diapering world, and let's not even get into the acronyms. I bought our first set of diapers a few weeks ago on ebay. Seriously you can buy anything on ebay. After some research, I knew I wanted some type of all in one diaper to ease the transition of disposable to cloth, and found some cheap ones on ebay. I was a little concerned that they made be poor quality, but after reading some good reviews, and eyeballing other all in ones priced at $25 per diaper (!) I picked Sunbaby diapers. They seem to be working great so far. We haven't had any leaks and Lu seems comfy. I'll let you know how the first washing goes, and the first overnight cloth diaper. If these work, we'll buy more (we started out just buying 10 to try it out) and save a bundle of cash, and save the world!
Luthien seems to like them!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Do kids make us happy?
I just read this article http://nymag.com/news/features/67024/?imw=Y&f=most-viewed-24h5
Basically, it hypothesizes that parents are less happy than those without children while they are in the throws of parenting, but are more nostalgic and fulfilled in retrospect. It doesn't delve whether those without kids are without kids by choice or due to infertility, and I think this is a very important distinction since infertility is, from what I hear, really hard. The article spends quite a bit of time discussing why parents hate parenting and although I can see their points I do find some holes in the article.
First, I don't think you should have kids in order to make yourself happy. Of course you don't want having kids to make you unhappy, but kids are not meant to fulfill their parents. This article seemed to be getting at this when it talked about how much pressure American parents put on themselves to raise perfect kids, rather than shooting for good kids. It would be exhausting to try and sculpt a kid into a perfect, all-star, straight-A, Ivy League Doctor or whatever, especially since they actually have a say in the matter and will ultimately do what they want. All parents can do is try and give them stability, love and guidance not turn them into superheros. I can understand wanting the best for your kids and I tend to think that Luthien is the smartest little baby that has ever existed, but I try to remember that she isn't my little project, but rather a little human that needs my guidance and love.
Another part of the article I object to is the idea that kids make marriages worse. In essence, it says that kids place quite a strain on a marriage, although it only discusses one type of family--one where both the mother and father work outside of the home, and wait until their mid thirties to have their first kid (and possibly last kid). I have only had a kid for a few months, but it is a bit of a shock in the personal freedom department, and I am still learning how to balance my needs and wants with Luthien's. It's been hard figuring out how to be married and how to raise a baby at the same time. I don't see the logic in the article on this point though. Facing and overcoming challenges in a marriage should serve to strengthen it, not weaken it. But this article seems to say that once a couple has children their relationship is only about the kids. I have seen this first hand, but I have also seen marriages that are still awesome and fully functioning with several children. I think couples have to be careful not to let their marriage slide after having kids, rather they need to use the challenges to strengthen and grow their marriage. It reminds me how important it is to make my marriage a priority. I think that because Andy and I will have dealt with this balance between marriage and children from the beginning we will be able to learn the necessary skills to keep both healthy. This isn't to say that couples who have children later can't do this, just that for us it is good to do it early on.
I haven't been a parent for very long, but so far when the parenting gets tough realizing that I am doing something so worth while makes it much more doable. The article stabs at this at the end, but only clumsily so. I would pick meaning and purpose to my life over being a CEO with ample vacation any day.
Basically, it hypothesizes that parents are less happy than those without children while they are in the throws of parenting, but are more nostalgic and fulfilled in retrospect. It doesn't delve whether those without kids are without kids by choice or due to infertility, and I think this is a very important distinction since infertility is, from what I hear, really hard. The article spends quite a bit of time discussing why parents hate parenting and although I can see their points I do find some holes in the article.
First, I don't think you should have kids in order to make yourself happy. Of course you don't want having kids to make you unhappy, but kids are not meant to fulfill their parents. This article seemed to be getting at this when it talked about how much pressure American parents put on themselves to raise perfect kids, rather than shooting for good kids. It would be exhausting to try and sculpt a kid into a perfect, all-star, straight-A, Ivy League Doctor or whatever, especially since they actually have a say in the matter and will ultimately do what they want. All parents can do is try and give them stability, love and guidance not turn them into superheros. I can understand wanting the best for your kids and I tend to think that Luthien is the smartest little baby that has ever existed, but I try to remember that she isn't my little project, but rather a little human that needs my guidance and love.
Another part of the article I object to is the idea that kids make marriages worse. In essence, it says that kids place quite a strain on a marriage, although it only discusses one type of family--one where both the mother and father work outside of the home, and wait until their mid thirties to have their first kid (and possibly last kid). I have only had a kid for a few months, but it is a bit of a shock in the personal freedom department, and I am still learning how to balance my needs and wants with Luthien's. It's been hard figuring out how to be married and how to raise a baby at the same time. I don't see the logic in the article on this point though. Facing and overcoming challenges in a marriage should serve to strengthen it, not weaken it. But this article seems to say that once a couple has children their relationship is only about the kids. I have seen this first hand, but I have also seen marriages that are still awesome and fully functioning with several children. I think couples have to be careful not to let their marriage slide after having kids, rather they need to use the challenges to strengthen and grow their marriage. It reminds me how important it is to make my marriage a priority. I think that because Andy and I will have dealt with this balance between marriage and children from the beginning we will be able to learn the necessary skills to keep both healthy. This isn't to say that couples who have children later can't do this, just that for us it is good to do it early on.
I haven't been a parent for very long, but so far when the parenting gets tough realizing that I am doing something so worth while makes it much more doable. The article stabs at this at the end, but only clumsily so. I would pick meaning and purpose to my life over being a CEO with ample vacation any day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)